Today was hard, goodbye's always are. Especially when it's forever. But for some strange reason, this departure in my life has hit the hardest. It may only be for five months but I feel crushed. I feel lost. Not being able to hold the one I feel so deeply for feels so foreign, just like the country he now calls home. I miss being able to see his face. So optimism has become my new favourite word. Trying to find the positives in any negative situation is tough and may come across as being a mission in disguise but it's definitely something I'm all up for considering.
For example, he's happy. He gets to experience a life outside of, well, here. Anybody would be thankful for that. He gets to make new friends at a new school and make a new life for himself. He gets to better himself. We all make mistakes and well, he gets to fix his without having discouraging Novacastrians surrounding him.
Example 2. It really builds trust. With him away, I can prove to him that I'm worthy. I won't ruin us. I've never felt so strongly for someone and whilst he's away I want to prove that. Loyalty is a word in my vocabulary you know.
Example 3. I can focus on other things. Not at all saying he's a distraction but well... he's a distraction. I get too caught up in spending time sharing his body warmth than coming home and finishing off homework. I've gotten three detentions in the past 4 weeks, all from incomplete work. By the time he comes home, I'll be fully back in the swing of things and have a schedule undergone that not even he can break. I hope. Not only can I focus more on school but I can rekindle old friendships that have somewhat been lost in my attempt at trying to find love again. I miss having girlfriends. Especially in times like this where all that's on my mind is my sunshine. I've been so engulfed in my future with him that I'd forgotten about my friends and how they have feelings too. I hope that when he comes home he can see how beautiful the people in my life are. Including himself.
In my eyes, he's perfect which is why this goodbye was so hard. I don't think I've cried this hard in a long time. I'm going to miss him so much. Is that so selfish of me to say?... But deep down I've never felt so excited for someone. Sure, he's missing out on my birthday and Christmas and completing our sophmore year together but he does get to experience those things, just not with me, but with his new family at his new home.
Deep down, what I'm trying to say is love got a hold of me. But I don't regret it because he's perfectly perfect. And of course, not a day will go by where I don't miss seeing his face but a day will also not pass without me pondering on what new adventure jumped up on him.
So until next year, Adios and safe travels, Sunshine.
R.
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