Moving on

I believe that everything on this earth has a purpose. Everyone is brought into your life for some reason, whether it be positive or negative. I always find positives in any given situation. After all the bullshit my ex-boyfriend put me through, I still focus on the happiness that was brought into my life after he crashed into it. I feel nostalgic. No not nostalgic, remorseful. I miss the feeling of being held and I feel bad for saying so. I know that I deserve better, heck, anyone deserves better that that. But everyone always says that your first love is one that you'll remember for the rest of your life. Is that really the truth? It agitates me how my first love didn't feel the same about me as I did to him. But it was a learning curve, a step in my life that I'm sort of grateful for. Is that messed up for me to say? Like hey, thanks for using me for a year and cheating on me numerous times whilst I sat home and dreamt about our future, Asshole. How can I be nostalgic? I feel like the asshole right now. Thing is, it's been six weeks since our last encounter and it was hard enough having to see him everyday being held by someone else, but I still see him glance at me. He looks at me when he thinks I'm not looking. I wonder if he ever feels nostalgic. But I'm happy now. Because without him, I wouldn't be where I am today. I finally see a light at the end of the tunnel and I wouldn't of been able to without the help of somebody else. They say your second love is the one that pulls you out of the hole your first love dug for you. The hole that doesn't have any source of light or happiness. The hole that your broken heart led you to believe was your only companion. My second love, let's call him Sunshine, he gave me hope. I no longer feel like a burden in this world, he taught me how to love again and for that I will be entirely thankful. For now, he lives halfway across the world but no amount of distance between us will change the way I feel about him. Because he's my sunshine.

R.