I need to vent.
Right now, I'm currently in a state of teen angst. I'm being selfish and I know it but if I don't write out my feelings, I'm going to implode.
I'm merely months away from turning 17 and I've never had my own room. When I was born I was thrown into a confined bedroom with my older brother and sister, I obviously didn't mind. When we moved out I shared with that same sister until my mum fell pregnant with her new husband. We had to move to find more space, not only for the newborn, but my stepdads two other kids. We were the Brady bunch at a loss to find a house big enough for all of us. When we finally moved, it was into a four bedroom house. There were eight of us. So I of course had to share with the newborn, again I didn't mind, to my surprise, I was excited. I was eight years old. Now seven years later, my eight year old sister has trashed our bedroom with wet and some dry cotton wool, toy horses, scraps upon scraps of paper and pointless plastic pieces.
Saying that I'm frustrated is an understatement.
A few months ago, the owners of the house we're in, told us that they need it back. We've been searching for a house big enough for all of us but it just isn't realistic. So I of course will continue to share.
I've dealt with the mess.
I've dealt with not having anywhere to go if I needed to talk to one of my friends over the phone.
I've dealt with having to leave the room if she needed to go to bed to then wait an hour until I can go back in to my own bed.
I've dealt with being walked in on whilst I'm getting dressed of a morning.
I've dealt with not being able to study for hours due to pointless interruptions.
I'm upset to the point where I can't even cry. And because of what? Not being able to have my own space? I know I'm being irrational and unfair but I've never had the pleasure of having my own space. Sure, it's not the end of the world and I know there are families out there who struggle to even afford a one bedroom house for a much bigger family but again, I'm just being a fucking teenager. Selfish and moody.
There is obviously nothing I can do about this and nor will there be until I find the money to move out myself but I needed to write this out before I kick a wall.
I'm the definition of a stereotypical, hormonal teenager.
I'm currently typing this out in a crowded mess of clothes, toys and God only knows what else.
For now, I whinge.
But until later,
this is me.
An angry girl who wishes life would be in my favour at least for one day.
All the best,
R. x
